Most of us seem to start with a check list (mainly the physical attributes) of prince or princess charming created by images of Disney and Hollywood movies. As we grow, we find that these attributes that have been ingrained in our minds were not realistic and so we start lowering our expectation to the point we may accept just anyone. The funny part is that, this “just anyone” was of course not the right choice and we end up being hurt deeply. We then think “Why this has to happen to me? Why can’t I find a decent person? I even accepted someone who is mediocre and not at all my type, yet he/she ended up breaking up with me!”. Our wounded pride then makes us write a Nazi checklist that keeps getting longer and stricter, to revenge from those mediocre people, not knowing that we are hurting ourselves even more.
The solution: Forget all the check lists you have made or put them through the shredder. B open to accepting people as they are and you may end up enjoying yourself and learning so much in the process, until your soul-mate appears out of no where. And you know what? If you had that check list in hand, you may find that he doesn’t fit your check list at all, but he fits your soul perfectly
2. Stop your Search and Start your Discoveries
Have you ever lost your keys or eyeglasses and kept searching for them high and low but, for the life of you, couldn’t find them? You get tired and you stop searching, only to find that your keys were just on top of the kitchen counter where you passed like a hundred times, or your eye glasses were actually on top of your head!!!
Love is the same. Actually everything in life is the same. The more we focus the more we lose. Why? Because focusing on a specific thing limits our vision inside a very narrow space, and even if what we are searching for is just next to us, except that our vision is not catching it, then we will not be able to find it no matter how hard we look.
The solution: Live and enjoy life with eyes wide open and happy. This way you will catch that soul-mate that may be hidden in your blind spot or just at the corner of the next adventure.
3. Don’t ask someone else to complete you
When I was growing up, I used to hear the cliché “I want to find that someone who completes me” all the time and so, I used to think that this is what I need to find in my soul-mate. Have you heard or thought of this cheesy cliché before? If not, good for you. If you did, I gotta tell you that if you are not complete on your own, no matter where you search or whom you find, they will never complete you and vice versa.
The solution: Accept that you are already complete. But if you don’t feel that you are, work on accepting and loving yourself. Your soul-mate will wait for you until you feel complete by yourself, because they are complete by themselves as well. Now would you prefer to have 2 half circles to merge together and make a full circle, or would you prefer to have two full circles that if merged will make the backbone of a sphere (bigger and richer life)?
4. Stay genuine and accept your unique “imperfections”
Changing yourself (especially physically) to fit in the global criteria of attractiveness does not give others a good sign when they look at you. Actually, you might as well scream at the top of your head in the middle of busy street “I don’t like myself! I don’t think I am complete! I don’t deserve any happiness or acceptance. So I am changing myself to become acceptable.”
The solution: Just be yourself and don’t act something you are not. Having said that, all humans could use learning and growing from their mistakes. But these changes should come for the sake of yourself not to please someone else. There is a huge difference between the two. Changing to a better, wiser you gives you more confidence that will make you glow. Changing to please someone else makes you wear a mask after another that will cover your glow until it fades away completely, when you no longer recognize who you are.